Recipe: Seared Cod, Olive Tapenade, Purple Cauliflower, Asparagus, Baby Heirloom Tomatoes, Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette

NO, YOU DO NOT EAT W/ YOUR EYES. That's dumb. Imagine someone sitting next to you at a restaurant trying to shove some eggs benedict complete w/ it's nuclear yellow hollandaise sauce in their eye socket. Gross. What that person meant when he/she coined that phrase "You eat w/ your eyes first..." was that food should look good, appetizing & it's look should make you want to eat it. A lot of you folks who desire an Epic Meal Time meat monstrosity made of fast food drive thru crap that doesn't really involve real cooking wont find this dish appetizing. Whatevs, like Ice-T once said, "Colors, colors, colors..." That's what this dish is all about. And flavor...

The GC City of Cod

Seared cod w/ green olive+caper tapenade, herb+garlic roasted purple cauliflower, ribboned asparagus+baby heirloom tomato salad w/ meyer lemon vinaigrette

Ingredients:

• Fresh cod fillets
• 4 meyer lemons [4 juiced, 1 tsp zest]
• Handful or 2 of green olives [pitted]
• Capers [1tbs, rinsed]
• Sun-dried tomatoes [1tbs]
• Artichoke hearts [3 or 4 or so...who discovered artichokes as food anyways? Most of it isn't edible & you have a lot of work to do just to get to the good stuff. I would've rather spent my time hunting for a wooly mammoth w/ my spear & itchy loin cloth]
• Italian flat leaf parsley [2tbs, chopped]
• A handful of basil leaves
• Garlic [3 cloves minced]
• Purple cauliflower [1 head rough cut into florets aka mini trees]
• A few sprigs of thyme [chopped]
• A handful of asparagus
• Some baby heirloom tomatoes [the green ones look like mini watermelons...cool]
• White wine vinegar
• Dijon mustard [1tsp]
• Honey [1tsp]
• A few rosemary sprigs [minced]
• 1 med shallot [minced]
• Olive oil
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• Butter
• 80s music ["Hey girl, you're under the spell of them." - Ryan Gosling]

 [Serves 2]

Seared Cod: Season both sides of the cod w/ s&p. Sear 1st side w/ olive oil on med-hi heat for 2-3min. Remember the basics, make sure your pan & oil are hot enough so the fish sizzles when you lay it down. Golden crust awesomeness & it won't stick & crumble like your dreams. Throw a few thyme sprigs in the pan. Aromafication. Flip & sear the other side. Cod is delicate & flaky so please use a decent fish spatula like the one I got in Cinatown SF from that super nice Chinese lady that tried to sell me chopsticks w/ cartoon kittens on them. The fish spatula will help your clumsy hands keep that cod intact & not break down your filets into something that resembles shredded crab meat. About halfway thru searing the 2nd side, deglaze the pan w/ a fresh squeeze of lemon. That'll loosen up all the fond/good stuff stuck on the bottom of the pan. Add a little nub of butter. When that melts, baste the cod fillets w/ that lemony/buttery/thymey sauce stuff until it's cooked thru. Basically, you're done now. The other stuff isn't even necessary. You could just eat the filet w/ lemon butter sauce & be lazy for the rest of the evening. Simple, classic, good. 

Olive Tapenade: Throw the green olives, capers, artichokes, sun-dried tomatoes, parsley, basil, garlic, s&p, lemon juice & some olive oil into a food processor. Blitz. You could use a mortar & pestle & be rustic like a Food Network chump & tell us about your dream wedding on a southern plantation while mashing away at the tapenade & prepping your chocolate covered deep-fried stick of butter...yuck. Blitzing is much faster though. Add more olive oil in little increments til you get a paste like consistency. Tangy/briny/tart flavor boom! The plastic explosive of condiments & it [tapenade] sounds fancy schmancy. Tell your friends you made a tapenade...you'll get "ooohs" & "ahhhs" & some "who cares". It's just a simple mixed paste of stuff. Make a lot of it if you want. Goes well w/ crostinis, roast chicken, dry wall repair, etc.

Roasted Purple Cauliflower: Toss & coat the florets w/ some olive oil, minced garlic & shallots, chopped thyme, s&p. Roast at 400d 20-25min til you get a little charring/caramelization. The good stuff. Stir/turn over every once in a while. Fresh squeeze of lemon juice out of the oven. Garnish w/ chopped parsley. Done. And It's purple.

Asparagus & Baby Heirloom Tomato Salad: Ribbon the asparagus w/ a potato peeler b/c lettuce is boring. Halve the baby heirloom tomatoes. Combine in a bowl & season w/ s&p. Seriously, season properly every layer of your dish. It's the difference between restaurant food & that bland casserole at your last family get together. Home cooks, listen up...salt enhances the flavor of your ingredients. Just don't over do it like a Chick-Fil-Hate salt-lick sammich. We're all gonna die anyway, might as well eat fresh, delicious & well seasoned eats while you're still on this planet before the aliens invade. Or you can be a wellness aware eating vegan Mother Earth lover & eat bland, sustainable, gluten free, farm-to-table, wheatgrass pancakes topped w/ ethically collected honey bee syrup & essence of foraged balsa wood [The GC: Offending people since 2011...cheers]. Dress w/ the vinaigrette below.

Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette: Combine meyer lemon juice & zest w/ white wine vinegar, dijon, honey, minced rosemary, shallot & garlic, s&p. Emulsify/whisk furiously w/ some olive oil. Fresh. A simple vinaigrette/flavor enhancer that sounds more complicated than it is. A "meyer" lemon vinaigrette just sounds more impressive than a regular lemon vinaigrette...when really, the meyer lemon is just a lemon/orange hybrid tasting thing available at decent markets. 

Plating: Lay down the purple cauliflower florets & ribboned asparagus on the side of the plate. Add the seared cod. Top w/ the tapenade. Place the multi-colored baby heirloom tomatoes around the plate like moons orbiting planet cod. Drizzle the vinaigrette around the plate in a circle b/c like me, you're totally into circular patterns right now. Drizzle a bit of the vinaigrette on the cod & tapenade too. Layering flavors. Garnish w/ chopped parsley. Serve w/ some crisp white wine b/c you're classy & own many leather-bound books.

Simple. Easy. Light. Fresh. Colorful. So 80s. Zack Morris approved. Edible graffiti on a plate.

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Under Your Spell [Pick Your Poison remix]" - Desire

Recipe: McRib Remix Pork Tenderloin Sammich, Shallot Confit, Cherry Gastrique, Fennel, Cucumber

THE McRIB IS McGARBAGE. Truth. Whatever the hell that is in between those soggy buns that silly clown & his hamburglarizing friends are slinging out that drive thru window at peeps who don't know any better, it ain't meat. C'mon it's shaped to look like it has bones in it. What the fudge? Never trust food promoted by a purple blob named Grimace. Want a real, sweet & tangy pork sammich alternative? Check out this GC remix.

The GC McRib Remix Sammich: 

Citrus+herb roasted pork tenderloin w/ shallot confit, pickled cucumber+fennel, grilled sage cremini shrooms, basil, cherry+balsamic gastrique & toasted baguette.

Ingredients:

• Pork tenderloin [1-2, how hungry are you?]
• Lemon [3, 2 juiced]
• Orange [1 juiced]
• A few sprigs of thyme, rosemary & oregano
• Smoked paprika [1tbs]
• Cumin [1tsp]
• 2 lg shallot [thinly sliced, 1tsp minced]
• Sherry [1/3 cup]
• Crushed red pepper flakes [a pinch]
• Red wine vinegar [a dash]
• Garlic [2 cloves, minced]
• Cucumber [1 thinly sliced]
• Fennel [1 bulb thinly sliced]
• White wine vinegar
• Sugar [2 tbs]
• Pink peppercorns [1bs]
• Coriander seeds [1tsp]
• Cremini shrooms [1/2 cup sliced]
• Sage [1 tbs chopped]
• Handful of basil leaves
• Cherries [1/2 cup, pitted]
• Cherry preserves [3tbs] 
• Balsamic vinegar
• Brown sugar [1tbs]
• Oregano [1tbs, chopped]
• Fresh baguette
• Butter
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• Problems [99 of them, this sammich wont be one though]

[Serves 2] 

Roasted Pork Tenderloin: Hit up your fave butcher shop & grab a nice & inexpensive slab of meat goodness known as the pork tenderloin. If your butcher knows what's up, the loin should be ready for you to season & cook already. If he/she's a hack, you might have to take a little sinew/fibrous tissue aka that hard to eat rubbery stuff off. Just take your Wu-Tang liquid sword & slice that off. Cut loin in half. Season loins well w/ paprika, cumin, s&p. Sear the loins on med-hi heat til all sides are seared golden. Just like roulades, most loins are rounded & have no sides. You can do it. Defeat logic. Lay the loins down in a baking dish that's already been preheating in a 375d oven. Season w/ lemon & orange juice, lemon slices, a few sprigs of rosemary, thyme & oregano. Roast. 20-25min. Tent w/ some foil & let rest 8min before thinly slicing. Let the juices circulate back into the meat. Science & patience = Juicy un-dry meat. Loin[s] appeared 6 times in this segement.

Shallot Confit: Bust out your mandolin & thinly slice the shallots in kinda like a "paint-the-fence" Karate Kid style motion. Quick saute on med-lo heat w/ a little olive oil 3-4min til translucent. Add some sherry & let it cook out, evaporate, go poof like magic. Turn heat to low & add enough olive oil to cover the shallots. Stir in a pinch of chopped oregano, a pinch of crushed red pepper flakes & a dash of red wine vinegar, s&p. Let that awesomness cook slow & low for an hour+. Stir once in a while. You & your house will smell like shallot confit for a week. Nothing wrong w/ that. If you have any left over, jar that goodness up. Stays fresh in the fridge up to a week. Reheat & throw on some roasted taters, salads, meats, etc. Tell your friends.  

Pickled Cucumber & Fennel: Grab your fave Japanese steel chef's or nakiri knife & summon your all-star+sushi chef+precise+light speed knife skillz & thinly slice the cucumber & fennel [I don't have any of these skillz]. A mandolin would work fine too if you're afraid of clumsily slicing yourself like a fool [Sidenote: Listening to body movin' music while doing knife work is a questionable idea...trust me]. Whisk together white wine vinegar, sugar, lemon juice, pink peppercorns, coriander seeds, garlic, sea salt. Drown the cucumber & fennel in that mix. Delicious death by marination. Cover & throw in the fridge for at least 2hrs. The freshness. Mos def crisper than those McCrap pickles that've been sitting in pickling liquid since writing was invented back in Mesopotamia. Jar the extras. Lasts a few days. Throw some on a classic American style burger or a pretentious French frisée salad w/ poached egg. Don't discriminate.

Grilled Sage Mushrooms: Cook shrooms in a little olive oil w/ minced garlic, chopped sage, s&p on med heat til golden. Stir every now & then. 8-10min. You can have your pet dog, cat or dragon do this part. Seriously. ZZZZZZ snoozefest.

Cherry Balsamic Gastrique:  Saute cherries w/ butter & brown sugar on med heat til it caramelizes, 5-7min while stirring w/ your trusty wooden spoon. Add balsamic, white wine vinegar, cherry preserves, chopped oregano, minced shallot, lemon juice, s&p. Switch to your trusty whisk & combine the stuff. When it begins to boil, let it reduce a bit then take off the heat & strain thru a sieve. It'll thicken as it cools. This is the same exact paragraph from an earlier recipe sans mint but w/ shallot. Going savory[ier]? That's not a real word.

Baguette: Slice. Butter. Toast.

Plating:  Spread a little gastrique on the bread. Layer shrooms, basil leaves for the crisp freshness, pickled cucumber & fennel, a pile of thinly sliced pork tenderloin, shallot confit & a little squeeze of lemon [I hear cooks all the time say layer w/ flavors & season every layer. They're smart]. Swirl, in a circular motion, some more of the gastrique on the plate b/c you saw a rad painting earlier at the MCASD & you also want more sauce to dip your sammich in. Serve. 

Since it's a sammich, you can also take it to-go. Bag it up, skate o\-<\: to your local McDonalds, find an empty table, sit & grub it down next to some poor soul[s] eating their fake-boned-salt-lick McRib.

#EatRealFood  #CookOrdie

Soundtrack: "99 Problems" - Jay-Z, The Prodigy remix [clean]

Recipe: Charred Rapini, Soft Boiled Quail Eggs, Fire Roasted Corn Puree, Slow Roasted Tomato, Potato, Mushrooms

I DON'T HAVE ONE. Is my answer when asked, "What's your culinary point of view?" I just cook. Farm to Table? Nah, that should be the standard way to do things already. Besides, hipsters have that one covered. Modernist Cuisine/Molecular Gastronomy? Eh...no. I don't have an immersion circulator, never cooked w/ agar agar or own a lab coat...yet. Classical? Nope. Though I can make a mean bordelaise & bechamel, I don't have a French accent. I don't even know/haven't even tried/or even wanted to cook dishes from my Pacific Islander heritage. One day, adobo, one day. Comfort Food? Heck no. One pot cooking w/ a dish that when done is mainly a monotone brown color that you plop down on a plate cafeteria style? Sorry, Paula Deen fans. Not really sorry. I like to cook like I'm playing w/ LEGOs. Building, creating & making things up w/ different components, flavors & colors. Whatever keeps it fun for a few hours in the kitchen...

The GC Ain't Got Beef w/ Vegetarians Intergalactic Planetary Plate of Awesome

Red pepper+citrus charred rapini, lemon+rosemary roasted taters, garlic+shallot sauteed portobello, slow roasted herb+garlic tomato, fire roasted corn puree, soft boiled quail eggs & lemon+dill vinaigrette

Ingredients:

• A bundle of rapini aka broccoli rabe [I say rapini b/c broccoli rabe, pronounced broccoli "rob", sounds like a lame Veggie Tales character w/ a drug problem]
• Crushed red pepper flakes [Amount? How spicy do you want it?]
• Serrano chile [1 fine diced]
• 3 lemons [juiced, 1tsp zest]
• 2 limes [juiced, 1 tsp zest]
• 4 quail eggs [aka mini flavor bullets]
• Handful of baby red potatoes
• 3 garlic cloves [1 slivered, 2 minced]
• A few sprigs of fresh rosemary & thyme
• 1 lg shallot [minced]
• Ground coriander [1tsp]
• Portobello shrooms [1/2 cup sliced]
• Some vine ripe tomatoes
• Dried thyme [1tsp]
• Dried oregano [1tsp]
• Dried basil [1tsp]
• Dried marjoram [1tsp]
• Dried rosemary [1tsp]
• 4 ears of corn
• Ground cumin [1tsp]
• Cilantro [chopped, a pinch or 2]
• Heavy cream [1/2 cup]
• Baby chard [handful]
• Baby arugula [handful]
• Dill [chopped 1tsp]
• Red wine vinegar
• Dijon mustard [1tbs]
• Olive oil
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• Butter
• Ballast Point Sculpin [2 bottles, not used in this recipe at all]
• The chill instrumentals of Diverse orbiting the speakers

 [Serves 2]

Slow Roasted Tomato: Halve the vine ripe tomatoes. Season well w/ all the dried herbs listed above [thyme, oregano, basil, marjoram, rosemary] aka the GC version of the classic "Herbs de Provence". If you want to try to impress your friends at a dinner party, say you seasoned w/ Herbs de Provence...they wont understand or even care, but will pretend to [while they mentally count down the days til that child obesity promoting creepy clown brings back the McRib as they're listening to you babble about herbs]. Whatevs. Place the tomatoes in a baking dish w/ some fresh rosemary sprigs, slivered garlic, s&p & a good amount of olive oil. Set your oven to 275-300d then roast for 1.5-2hrs. Go skate for a bit & chill w/ a BP Sculpin while you wait. Or take a quick nap. By the beard of Zeus! The amazing smell will wake you up. These are some simple & tasty flavor grenades that explode off your plate that you could also huck at your bland seasoning enemies.

Red Pepper & Citrus Charred Rapini: Trim the bottoms of the rapini then blanch. I blanch [quick boil then drown in an ice water bath] veggies a lot b/c bright green colored veggies are cooler than dark green, murky swamp muck. Toss w/ olive oil, garlic, crushed red pepper flakes, serrano chile, lemon & lime juice, s&p. Let sit & marinate while you're prepping all the other components & continue to smell that amazing aroma from those roasting tomatoes & pretentiously classical sounding Herbs de Provence. Set your grill to hi heat & cook til slightly charred but still crisp. You know the drill.

Roasted Taters: Slice the baby red potatoes into discs. Try to refrain from spinning them on your cutting board like you would spin a quarter on a table. See...try not to do it now after you've sliced them. Toss & coat w/ olive oil, minced garlic & shallots, ground coriander, s&p. Throw on a baking sheet w/ some rosemary & chopped thyme & roast. 400d 20min. Squeeze of lemon to finish.

Sauteed Portobello Shrooms: Adds the "meaty" element to this meatless dish. On med heat, saute garlic & shallots in olive oil. Add shrooms & a nub of butter. Saute w/ a wooden spoon in one hand while sipping on bottle #2 of Sculpin w/ the other hand while daydreaming about space travel. Basically, you could do this part in your sleep. Cook til golden. 8-10min. That's it.

Fire Roasted Corn Puree: Whisk together some lime juice, ground cumin, crushed red pepper flakes, chopped cilantro, s&p, olive oil. Grill your corn til a little bit charred. Take off heat then slice off the kernels. Combine the kernels w/ the limey/spicy vinaigrette type thing you just whisked up. Ever had that awesome Mexican street food: Grilled corn on the cob rubbed w/ fresh lime? This is like that but overly & unnecessarily complicated [I like to play w/ food]. Throw it all in a processor then blitz w/ little increments of heavy cream & butter til you get the consistency you want.

Baby Chard & Arugula w/ Lemon & Dill Vinaigrette: Combine lemon/lime juice & zest, dill, mint, red wine vinegar, dijon, garlic, s&p & olive oil. Emulsify. Dress your baby greens & reserve some vinaigrette to finish the dish later. Adding freshness & especially a little acidity/citrus/vinegar to a dish at the last moment is a secret flavor weapon. Shhh...our secret.

Soft Boiled Quail Eggs: These are my faves. A hassle to peel but whatevs, deal w/ it. Boil for 2min. Let cool. Peel [takes some time, DON'T TEAR THE WHITES w/ your nervous fingers, clumsy face]. Slice. Runny yolks are the radness. Got a sharp knife? If you don't, well, I'm sorry. Back to the minors for you/you're gonna slice up your hands/you're gonna hack your meat & veggies into unrecognizable chunks of meh. If you do have a sharp knife like my fave Shun Japanese steel ninja blades, you can do something fancy & slice off just the hardened upper 3rd white of the quail egg but still leave the whole spherical yolk intact [#BallerStatus].

*Bonus points for you + an extra life + unlimited ammo + warp zone clearance + bragging rights. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start, yo.

Plating: This is the fun part. Stream the corn puree around the plate in a circle b/c it looks rad. Lay down the lemon+dill vinaigrette dressed baby greens on the side. Add the citrus charred rapini. Top w/ the sauteed shrooms & roasted taters. Place the flavor grenade that is the slow roasted Herbs de Provence [and please say it w/ a thick & terrible attempt at a French accent]  tomato & the soft boiled quail eggs neatly on the plate. Drizzle a little more of the vinaigrette/secret weapon & drop some fresh dill on there. It should resemble a free-flowing galaxy. Outer space is cool...hence this dish's audio accompaniment.

[Sidenote: There's gonna be a lot of kitchen equipment to wash after this one] 

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Escape Earth (the Moon) [instrumental]" - Diverse

Recipe: Ribeye, Bordelaise Sauce, Potato Parsnip Puree, Asparagus

I LIKE THE CLASSICS. Movies: Rebel Without a Cause, Star Wars & The Goonies. Books: The Count of Monte Cristo [Edmond Dantes was the OG Batman], 3 Musketeers & Huck Finn. Music: Jawbreaker [a personal classic band], Thelonious Monk & A Tribe Called Quest. Food: Mom'z baked mac n cheese, Grandma's Eggplant w/ soy+calamansi sauce [for you suburban white folks, it's a Pacific Islander staple] & my good old Irish stepdad's MEAT & POTATOES. Here's my take on my Dad's classic. #HackTheClassics
  
The GC Blue Collar Meat & Potatoes Special

Ribeye steak w/ punk rock cremini shroom bordelaise, potato+parsnip puree, charred asparagus+ribboned asparagus salad & meyer lemon vinaigrette

Ingredients:

• Radically marbled ribeye steaks
• Cremini shrooms & some underappreciated white button shrooms [1cup sliced]
• 1 lg shallot [minced]
• 4 garlic cloves [minced]
• Beef stock [a cup or 2]
• Dry red wine [1/2 cup of a cheap, crappy brand that you'd get laughed at if you ordered it at a restaurant in Bordeaux will do]
• Worcestershire [a splish, a splash or a boatload...max cool points for being on a boat]
• 1 bay leaf
• A few sprigs of thyme [chopped]
• A few more sprigs of tarragon [chopped]
• Cornstarch [1tbs]
• H2O
• 2 lg potatoes [peeled, cubed]
• 2-3 parsnips [peeled, cubed to the same size as the cubed taters...I know they're cylindrical, cube away]
• Heavy cream [1/3 cup]
• Handful of asparagus
• 3 Meyer lemons [juiced, 1tsp zest]
• White wine vinegar
• Dijon mustard [1tsp]
• Rosemary [chopped, 1 tsp]
• Mint [chopped, 1 tsp]
• Sugar [1tsp]
• Canola oil
• Olive oil
• Parsley [chopped, a pinch or 2]
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• Butter [room temp chunks & clarified]
• Your sweet Tribe Called Quest playlist blasting from the speakers. If you don't have a sweet Tribe Called Quest playlist, turn off this computer & contemplate your purpose in life.

[Serves 2]  

Caramelized & Charred Ribeye: Go to your local butcher & pick out a couple of nice, marbled cuts. Let temper aka come down from cold-in-the-cooler-at-the-butcher-shop to room temperature. Cooking cold meats = Uneven cooking [If you like undercooked rawness or overcooked well done/shoe leather steaks, go ahead & cook up those meat ice blocks & use as werewolf bait & hockey pucks respectively]. Fire up the oven to 475d w/ your cast iron pan pre-heating inside. Season steaks well w/ sea salt, fresh cracked pepper & canola oil. When the pan is re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere hot, take out of the oven & place on a burner on hi heat w/ a little canola oil & let heat up some more. TURN OFF ALL YOUR SMOKE ALARMS! Sear steaks for 30-45 seconds [do not touch or poke] then flip & sear for another 30-45 seconds. Charred & caramelized crust of flavor awesomeness. Place steak while still in the cast iron pan back into the oven for 3min. Flip & top w/ some butter & roast for another 3min. Take out of the oven, brush w/ a little clarified butter [how steakhouses cheat & make their steaks taste like steakhouse steaks...tip from Bourdain] & let rest/don't slice into it yet for the love of all things good, juicy & not balsa wood dry. At this point, your kitchen should resemble a scene from the movie Backdraft.

Mushroom Bordelaise Sauce: On med heat, saute in butter some minced garlic & shallots for a bit. Add cremini & button shrooms & a little more butter [b/c Julia Child is your hero] & cook til browned. Add beef stock, worcestershistershireshire, cheap red wine, bay leaf, thyme & tarragon, s&p [a veal demi-glace would be the classic way to go but who's got 5-7hrs to waste, so punk rock it]. When it begins to boil, reduce heat to med-lo, let reduce for 20-25min & sip some really crappy red wine while trying to think of an opening album track better than Tribe's "Excurions" from The Low End Theory. Whisk a little cornstarch in some H2O then stir that mixture into the reduced yet slightly still liquidy [is that a proper cooking term?] sauce to thicken. Take off heat & trash the bay leaf.

Potato+Parsnip Puree: Cube up the taters & parsnips. Boil in salted water 20min. Blitz w/ blender along w/ garlic, shallot & a little of the boiled salted water, butter, heavy cream, s&p. Smooth & simple.

Asparagus Salad: B/C you need some greens in your diet & asparagus are rad b/c they're referred to as spears, like those olden day weapons. Ribbon the asparagus [use a potato peeler, mandolin, sharp knife, magic, whatevs]. Reserve the tips & char them on a super hot grill w/ canola oil, lemon, s&p. Hot/cold salads are cool. Dress w/ a citric vinaigrette [recipe below].

Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette: Combine meyer lemon juice & zest, white wine vinegar, dijon, chopped rosemary & mint, minced garlic, sugar, s&p. Then whisk in a thin, slow stream of extra virgin olive oil til emulsified. Easy, quick, fresh & you'll never have to buy those overpriced bottles from the store & stare at Paul Newman's face every time you open the fridge [he was a badass in Cool Hand Luke though]. 

Plating: Plop down the silky smooth potato+parsnip puree on the plate. Add the citric dressed asparagus side salad on the side. Slice the steaks into thin slices. Check out that juicy, pink med-rare goodness w/ the salty caramelized crust & fan it on one side of the plate. Ladle down the savory/umami bomb flava bordelaise sauce on the steak. Sprinkle on some fresh chopped parsley. Done. 

Oh hey, KICK IT w/ the GC facebook page. Recipes from these pics coming soon to this here online cookbook.

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Can I Kick It?" - A Tribe Called Quest

         

Recipe: Roasted Duck, Cherry Gastrique, Carrot Puree, Romanesco

I LIKE DUCK. I like the old skool Nintendo game Duck Hunt. I found it hilarious when Patrick Bateman ordered duck at Barcadia when he was pretending it was Dorsia to impress Courtney Rawlinson. I like Duck Tales, awoohooo. Aaannnddd...[confession] I think D2: The Mighty Ducks is a rad movie. Knuckle puck, yo. This calls for one thing: Why not learn how to cook those little quackers into something delicious.

The GC Bateman Duck La Dorsia III

Lemon+rosemary roasted crisp skin duck breast w/ carrot puree, garlic+thyme roasted romanesco & baby greens salad w/ citrus+shallot vinaigrette & cherry+balsamic gastrique

Ingredients: 

• Skin-on duck breasts
• Handful of rosemary sprigs
• 4 lemons [3 juiced]
• Bundle of carrots
• Chicken stock [3 cups]
• Heavy cream [1 cup]
• Romanesco [1 head of this rad broccoli/cauliflower hybrid cut into florets]
• 4 garlic cloves [minced]
• A few sprigs of thyme
• Mixed baby greens [baby chard/arugula/mache/dill/etc will do just fine]
• 1 small shallot [minced]
• 1 orange [juiced & 1tsp zest]
• White wine vinegar
• Dijon mustard [1tsp]
• Mint [1tbs chopped]
• Handful of cherries [pitted]
• Cherry preserves [2tbs]
• Balsamic vinegar
• Brown sugar [1tbs]
• Oregano [1tsp chopped]
• Olive oil
• Butter
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• A morning of 1,000 stomach crunches+water activated gel cleansers & an afternoon matinee of Les Mis.

[Serves 2]

Crisp Skin Duck Breast: Score the duck skin in a Kriss Kross pattern. Don't be clumsy & pierce the flesh/meat part though, it'd be a shame. Scoring will help render out the duck fat...that you should totally save & roast or fry some taters in later [duck fat fries!]. Season breasts liberally, especially into the scores. Mad crispy skin is the result. On med-low heat in a DRY pan, lay the breasts skin side down.The fat will render out & it will smell ridiculously good. After 5min & most of the fat has rendered out, fire up the heat to med-hi. Sear for 6-7min for that golden crisp skin. Transfer breasts to a baking dish that's already been pre-heating in the oven skin side up & add sliced lemons, rosemary, butter, orange juice. Roast in oven at 400d 10min. Let it rest 9-10min before slicing so juices wont drain out & turn it into a dry rubber ducky. Slice breasts into 3/4 inch thick pieces. Breast[s] appeared in this paragraph 5 times.

Carrot Puree: Peel & chop carrots into 1 inch thick or so pieces. Boil in chicken stock for 15-20min til tender. While waiting, keep an eye on your duck, your roasting romanesco & reducing cherry gastrique [recipes, next few paragraphs], sip some wine & listen to the comedy of Patrick Bateman's daily morning routine. Use a slotted spoon & transfer the carrots to a food processor. Add a little of the chicken stock you boiled the carrots in, a nub of butter, a little heavy cream, minced garlic, s&p. Blitz. Keep adding stock/butter/cream in little increments & keep blitzing until you get the creamy consistency you want.

Citrus+Shallot Vinaigrette: Combine 1 part lemon juice/orange juice+zest/white wine vinegar w/ minced shallot, minced garlic, dijon, chopped mint, s&p & whisk in 2 parts extra virgin olive oil.

Roasted Romanesco & Baby Greens Salad: Blanch then dry the romanesco. Toss w/ olive oil, minced garlic, minced shallot, thyme, s&p. Roast at 400d 15min. Done. Let cool then toss w/ baby greens mix & dress w/ the vinaigrette from recipe ^above^. Add fresh cracked pepper.

Cherry+Balsamic Gastrique: Saute cherries w/ butter & brown sugar on med heat til it caramelizes, 5-7min while stirring w/ your trusty wooden spoon. Add balsamic, white wine vinegar, cherry preserves, chopped oregano & mint, lemon juice, s&p. Switch to your trusty whisk & combine the stuff. When it begins to boil, let it reduce a bit then take off the heat & strain thru a sieve. It'll thicken as it cools. A candy glaze for your duck...grub.

Plating: Spoon down the carrot puree on the plate. Arrange the vinaigrette dressed romanesco+baby greens salad on the side. Pile up the crisp skin duck. Fresh squeeze of lemon. Drip & swirl the gastrique 1980s yuppie style. Serve.

No need for an 8:30 res at Dorsia. End apartheid. I have to go return some videotapes.

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Track 1" -  Official American Psycho Score composed by John Cale
 

Recipe: Chicken Roulade, Pancetta Cream Sauce, Charred Broccolini

GONNA SAY IT...chicken can be pretty ZZZZZZ. But...it can be also be super yummy. Go the way of the European old skool classic: Roulade. Fun to cook & it looks like a meat sushi roll. Add your own spin. Add something spicy. Experiment. Who cares? Hack the classics.

The GC Comforting Cluck Cluck Oink Oink Roll-Up & Stuff

Prosciutto+basil stuffed chicken roulade w/ pancetta+cremini shroom cream sauce & red pepper+citrus charred spicy broccolini

Ingredients:

• Boneless skinless chicken breasts
• Prosciutto [sliced paper thin goodness]
• Handful of basil leaves
• Pancetta [2-3tbs cubed/diced/delicious Italian version of bacon]
• A few sprigs of thyme
• Cremini mushrooms [1/2 cup sliced]
• Dry white wine [1/2 cup of the cheap stuff will do fine]
• Heavy cream [2 cups]
• 3 garlic cloves [minced]
• Fresh grated parmesan
• Parsley [chopped]
• Bundle of broccolini
• 3 lemons [2 juiced]
• 1 orange [juiced]
• Crushed red pepper flakes [a pinch or 2 or 3]
• Olive oil
• Butter
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• Dan the Automator's instrumentals from Deltron 3030 blasting from the speakers

[Serves 2]

Chicken Roulade: Butterfly the chicken breasts then pound w/ a Thor's hammer caliber mallet til about 1/4 inch thin. Layer thinly sliced prosciutto & basil leaves on top, a dash of crushed red pepper flakes, drizzle of olive oil, s&p. Roll up really tight & secure w/ toothpicks. If you're using toothpicks, soak in water 1st unless you want a campfire in your meat sushi. You could also use twine if you prefer bondage over stabbings. Season well w/ s&p. In a med-hi heat pan w/ olive oil, brown all sides. I know the dang thing is round but do your best. Transfer to a baking dish. Top w/ butter, thyme, lemon slices & lemon juice. Roast at 350d for 15-20min. Don't undercook chicken, unless you're trying to kill someone...then by all means.

Pancetta+Shroom Cream Sauce: On med heat, saute the pancetta in olive oil til it starts to brown. Add the cremini shrooms, some minced garlic & butter. Cook til shrooms are golden. Add the cheap wine to deglaze all the yummy pork bits/fond & reduce til it cooks out. Add heavy cream & season w/ s&p. When it boils, take it off the heat & stir in some freshly grated parmesan & fresh chopped parsley. It'll thicken up & smell like total awesomeness.

Charred Broccolini: Blanch then pat dry. Toss & coat w/ olive oil, a little lemon & orange juice, crushed red pepper, minced garlic, s&p. Grab a glass of the cheap wine, take a break, sip & let the broccolini marinate for a bit. Set your grill to surface-of-the-sun high heat. Grill til the broccolini starts to get charred. Wont take long. Fiyah!

Plating: Slice up the roulade into little disks. I like to pile them up & make a little castle/tower looking thing. Lay down some of the spicy charred broccolini & ladle some of the pancetta+cremini cream sauce on top. Make it snow w/ a little more chopped parsley & basil. Fresh.

GC comfort food.

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Positive Contact [instrumental]" - Deltron 3030

The GC Recipe Blog Begins...

HELLO THERE, INTERWEBBERS! Welcome to the GC recipe blog. A place [hopefully] for some deliciously juvenile cookery mayhem. 

Purpose: To share some food & cooking pics accompanied w/ a soundtrack & RECIPES.

*Recipe Disclaimer: Graffiti Cookery is kitchen vandalism which means that it's self-taught rookie cookery, simple stuff, mostly eyeball measurements, constant tastings, making things up, breaking rules & improv. Basically...unfollowable recipes. [Sidenote: I have no idea what I'm doing.]

The GC Orange [Not Blue] Steel & Stuff

Crisp skin steelhead trout, lemon+garlic roasted romanesco, ribboned purple asparagus & micro greens salad w/ lime+sesame vinaigrette, hoisin+ginger sauce

Ingredients:

• Skin-on steelhead trout
• A head of badass romanesco that looks like a medieval weapon used to bludgeon your enemy's face
• Some purple asparagus
• Handful of micro greens
• 1 small shallot [minced]
• A few sprigs of thyme [chopped]
• 1 lemon [juice]
• 2 limes [juice & 1tsp of zest]
• Sesame oil
• Rice wine vinegar
• Cilantro [1tsp chopped]
• 2 garlic cloves [minced]
• Sugar [1tsp]
• Hoisin sauce
• Soy sauce
• Honey
• Ginger [1tsp minced]
• Scallions [1tsp chopped]
• Olive oil
• Butter
• Sea salt
• Fresh cracked pepper
• The Girl Skateboards vid Yeah Right! playing in the background

[Serves 2]

Vinaigrette: Combine together 1 part lime juice & zest, a little rice wine vinegar, chopped cilantro, minced garlic, sugar, s&p. Whisk in a little sesame oil & 2 parts olive oil in a thin, slow stream so it emulsifies [fancy schmancy way of saying that you want everything to combine & not separate...silly science].

Salad: Use a mandolin...nah, be punk rock & use a potato peeler to make ribbons out of the purple asparagus spears [reserve the tips & do a quick saute w/ them in olive oil, lemon juice, s&p]. Dress the asparagus ribbons & some micro greens w/ the vinaigrette you whisked up earlier.

Romanesco: Blanch aka boil in salted water for a couple of minutes then drown in an ice water bath [that'll keep that bright alien green color intact]. Pat dry. Rough cut into florets. Toss & coat w/ olive oil, minced garlic, minced shallot, chopped thyme, s&p. Roast at 400d for about 15-20-whatevs minutes. Give the florets a shower of fresh squeezed lemon juice when it comes out of the oven.

Trout: Cut into filets. Score on the skin side so it wont curl up in the hot pan. Dear god, please use a sharp knife...you don't want to hack this fish into a tartare. Try to keep the cuts as close to each other as possible. Season w/ s&p. Make sure you get some into the scores/gashes you just sliced. Ouch. Sorry fishy. Sear skin side down in olive oil on med-hi heat. Flip when you see it's cooked a little over halfway thru. Just keep an eye on the gradual color change rising up the filet. [4min? depending on the thickness]. Also, please don't be lame & touch or fiddle around or press down on the fish w/ your spatula while the fish is searing. It needs to sit still to create that crisp, seared & tasty crust [same goes for burgers, steaks, etc...just let it be antsy pants]. Sear the other side for another couple of minutes then set aside to rest. Deglaze the pan you cooked the fish in w/ some lemon juice & butter. An extra mad flavor sauce to pour on your fish when plating.

Hoisin+Ginger Sauce: Whisk together on low heat 1/2 cup or so of hoisin sauce, a little bit of soy sauce, sesame oil & rice wine vinegar, 1tsp of honey, minced garlic, minced ginger, chopped scallions, s&p. Strain thru a sieve. Brings everything on the plate together like Lebowski's rug.

Plate it up. Serve.

#CookOrDie

Soundtrack: "Disco Headache [Girl Skateboards edit]" - Dub Diablo